3 word story

[Jay]

well give me an abridged version to read that isnt to long, but still contains the best part of the story

[Uncle Igmar]

Best part of the story??? There's a story? only kidding.

[servo3k]

STAR WARS SUCKS!!!... oh we're done insultinghim huh.... okay "sorry oh great star wars gods, i ment not to offend thee!"

[Shinra]

haha, we got his attention servo, u can stop.

Thanks to DharmaShark for putting this all together. State which paragaph you think deserves being read

Welcome to the Three Word Story 101st Page Recap!
(woohoo!)
I dare you to read the whole thing.

~ Inside the big willow tree hole there was a red-blooded squirrel who got drunk and started singing "You All Everybody!" When he finished he found a crazy French woman with a secret. She had a secret underground lair with a giant door, leading to a giant spider-man. Upon hearing a feral snort, he saw a rabid polar bear and decided to quickly fire an arrow in Henry Gale's backside. What he bled was green and smelled like a highly toxic cow, so he went to Jack and then cried about his wife and about everything that had happened in the hatch.

Sawyer read his Harry Potter book, but wished he had a broom in order to beat the squirrel. So instead he reached into his secret stash of Dharma Frosted Cereal and Dharma Spoon. He ate the squirrel instead of the dharma cereal. He threw up the dead squirrel and ate it again with some dharma peanut butter spread on top.

Claire walked by and told Sawyer to hand over the pregnancy test because she saw that Sawyer was using it as a clarinet, which was covered in spiked Charlie water, it turns out, so he could trick Jack into being the first on the island to suffer from Chronic Driveshaft Hiccups. Then Sawyer took out his new golf set. "Birdie!" But the squirrel gave Sawyer gas, stole his ball, and ran up Sawyer's leg. He took a bite, grabbed a nut, and Sawyer squealed with sheer delight. This made Kate blush. She decided that she should gallop over to the hatch and steal Apollo Bars for lunch but shouted out, "Freckles! ...That's my name!"

Then Allen Iverson quit playing basketball. He had decided that God was not on his side, so he brought the last Jesus Stick down to the hatch, put on Geronimo, dimmed the lights, and started to swing at Henry, hitting the computer. "Oops! Now what?" "Oh sh*t!" said Henry Gale, laughingly. "We're screwed now!" "Just like little...." But Henry said, "What the eff did you do?" Allen said,"I think I just need theatrical glue to glue on my Dharma eyebrows, a hair pin for my wig, and seven pretty Dharma moustaches. Then I'll take the Dharma glue and create nunchucks for his army of mechanical frogs to torment Sawyer for his stash of little green men."

Sawyer wanted Kate to love another secret underground dungeon of pleasure along with Hurley, but Kate was eating pudding and holding her chains, making her unable to shake her, but she wanted - she REALLY wanted - to love Jack's friend Sawyer, but Henry kissed her momma, which caused the smoke monster to run away from the Bronx and relocate to Raleigh NC, where run-on sentences are permissable. Kate and her horse went to the Bronx and fought monks with a Jesus-loving other. The monks had made Jesus Sticks to fight off the noise from pepperoni, aluminum, and a huge black boar.

So then Eko got high on Dharma theatrical glue and hit Sawyer with a penetrating question. "What the heck is the Lost Podcast doing in the middle of the underwater hatch that sheltered countless Dharma workers like Jack and Bernard and Locke, whose dad stole his kidney and made cookies for all the Dharma convention attendees?" Later that day, Hurley found a Pikachu car loaded with Dharma Ranch Dressing which lasts almost as long as Jack's rambling. Hurley decided to take the ranch dressing so that he could dip Libby's toes in it. So he changed his mind and dipped Rousseau's stash of arrows in a bag filled with Dharma Initiative blueberry pancakes and syrup from the pantry in Uzbekistan. Hurley's uncle called dharmashark's mom, a two-toed hippie with a purpose and a limp. He retaliated with his Dharma flashlight, which had a hard time reaching Hurley's uncle's mom's first cousin's neighbor's neck brace

What is going on with Handsome Jack? His karma is almost as low as a snake's stature. However, I pledge to raise enough corn to feed all of Lower Latvia and the siblings of the Brady Bunch, of whom smell like sunshine and toe cheese sprinkled with salsa and pinecones that like to shave their beards with Dharma machetes, which occasionally cause skin irritation on Locke's bald head.

In the Bronx, there's a saying: "Never shave your bananas on the bearded monkey's nest". The banana king explains as follows: "Always rub your melons in ranch pudding so that Hurley will join the Rebels and retrieve servo3k's bat". NOT HAPPENING KIDS! So says Igmar. Lies, Igmar, lies! Igmar is confused, so he shoots anaL. We cheered hooray for the gin-soaked theories of Uncle Igmar. Thank you all, here are some new theories about the origins of Jay and Jack.

Jack is Jay's fairy godfather who lost his Jesus Stick. Jack went to Hawaii to eat some refried beans and bake some delicious Karma cookies. Jay cried out loud about Jack's lack of hair follicles. Jack's bald head blinded Jay's eye because the light shined off his over-sized ego, leaving Jay to open a can with his nose. The camera shudder slipped open to eat Jay's face. Jay screamed like this, "ARGH! Look at that mutant baby-eating rebel with ominous pink light saber skills that would destroy every LPT member but saved by no one because "noperson" it's called to exterminate LPTs! Luckily Igmar carries isn't very dangerous but very powerful gin-soaked daggers that really sting when you shave, but who shaves when stranded on a pink bow?" Jay had forgotten his pills for the killing smoke, so he improvised by grinding up aged gouda cheese and sprinkled it in a glass called Emilio Sanchez by his friends and polar bears around the world. Jay then drank spiked Charlie water and fell down. Then a squirrel with four eyes came upon Jay, sucking his thumb, and laughed until Jay smacked him. Then Jay cried "Oh! Mama mia! I'm now Italian! And I'm wearing a plaid skirt, and underneath lurks a French thong that belongs to Jordache, of course." And it itches, so he scratches the squirrel's back with shaving cream and he shaves his toes with barbed wire-shaped Henry Gales.

"Anyone got lasagna?" shouted Purple Blob. "Jack killed Jay," said MYOKOM w/SAS. Dylan and Craig found a singing battery which helped the underwater hatch. Dylan and Craig thought to themselves, "Jay died! WOOT!" But in reality Jay was sick and also pretending to be bald so he could infiltrate Dharma's secret super hatch and get the unlimited supply of chocolate Apollo Bars. Supplied with chocolate, Jay became Supreme Taco Smasher again and began plotting the impending doom which would befall all tacos everywhere. Little did he, Tucker the Rebel, know, because actually the tacos rebelled, and Jay cramped, and he cried, "You All Everybody is a soft song to play!" So Jay decided he'd had enough squirrel chasing for three months and went to confront Handsome Jack with his squirrel about Jack's theories regarding the meaning of "Everyone's DHARMA" and underwater hatches. But Jack couldn't comprehend why Jay would eat mushrooms without ranch dressing on his face.

Firetaco killed uncigmar with ninja stars, so he thinks uncigmar is dead, but uncigmar actually blocked the stars with his face. So uncigmar smacks Jordache's bat hand, and she likes to hunt rebels because they are beautiful and charming. Except for the rare moments when they go fishing for monkey brains and use babies as bait. So "Munch A Baby" is the slogan of the rebels who don't have any responsibility for all Losties and their dogs because they only like feral cats and mouse tails and Bubble Yum and baby heads and baby carrots! Allegedly, the folks at Hanso/DHARMA like little babies as yummy snacks. And for dessert they eat frozen hydroponic squirrel feet covered in raisins and chocolate. Then they spend many hours jumping rope with Walt and his death ponies. Flabbergasted, Jack then took an acid cow to Kate for her 28th birthday because she loves farm animals. Sawyer hoards food from Zeke's mother's kitchen, where she bakes LPT members who are very naughty. So Sawyer went to get Rebels, but the rebels- they all died! That is because Igmar posted his very last post. And servo3k cried, because Igmar was our favorite gin-soaked theorist because he has the best ESP and reads the LOST future! In fact he remarkably looks like the green giant, Papa Jazz Cat, whose saxophone looks similar to Dharma Frosted Flaked Mice Puppy Yum Chow, which tastes great on Libby's feet, because her toes are really candy made from Jack's silly crackpot theories, also known as Yummie Muchie Bunnies with new improved Dharma Milk that has been pasteurized and made from cows treated with Dharma Sweetfeed. Once Jay had learned to perform a quick rap and put his arms around Claire's neck and give her a DVD titled "DHARMA Peanut Butter and Jelly", starring a talking shoe and Vincent. It's about a boy and a girl who fall into a lemon-scented flowery field and have visions of a stepstool and a rocking and rolling horse that has awesome long flowing hair with little pink cheese-flavored ears that glow in the hatch's radioactivity, because Desmond had left the door soaking wet and dripping with goo.

A red stapler ate Desmond's favorite pink panda bear and Hurley's expired eyes of newt were stolen by Vincent and his missing friend Walt, who unzipped his backpack to reveal Dave's slipper and his polka-dot pajamas, when Libby came from the asylum with oreos on a plate and made out with anyone who wanted her sexy self. Then she went to see Dave, eating peanut butter and graham crackers, and he stuffed uncigmar's face with a bomb. Uncigmar died but resurrected because of the power of nobody. In reality Dharma Gin and Handsome Jack killed a tree frog by smushing it into Marvin Candle's book called "How Everyone Is DHARMA" and then they sat down and ate a pig while drinking gin and sucking lemons. At a McDonald's hatch on the brink of extinction, Sawyer ate a fresh batch of gummy polar bears with Oreo creme filling covered in coconut juice and Dharma O's with powdered milk. Then Sawyer went out for Mallomars and Fruity Pebbles because Jordache puts whipped cream on top of her head because she heard that it looks good if you dance with whipped cream on Jack's bald pet rodent. This caused Jay to sing "Make Your Own Spaghetti Now" while doing the chicken dance with Jack's mom's cooking, a delicious meal made from sawdust, Sweetened Spaghetti Sauce, and peanut-flavored grits. Jay felt sad because LOST had us all at hello.

This new theory about washing your brain with Charlie water made Jack want to take Jay's tally points and boxers and give them to charity. Jay didn't want to give away a talking frog or his boxers to Jack, so instead he did his Robot dance and looked like drunken Igmar. Exploding from the sky came a huge Dharma Potato wearing a blue hat named William Frankenstein. So Jay decided to get lost in the woods with his mom and then Zeke drew a line in the sand and told them, "If you cross, I'll kill one of the blowfish and stuff it in your Ranch Dressing Vat and deep fry it and then add Memory Be Gone and paint it a bright mauve that blinds even the colorblind." Jay slammed the seabass with delightful abandon and skipped dessert to dance the Funky Chicken. He danced to a somber samba with a pie-zoelectric effected vertebrae (What is that?!) which caused the Apollo bars to leak bad grammar. It's a secret that only a ghostbuster could figure out. Then the sumo wrestlers finally found all hatches to be inconsistent with the law concerning the following paragraph: "Thee who eat the O's won't have any milk until the blast of the horn blows down the little pig's house which was already a complete mess due to HJ's evil ninja turtle and his bald head, which is part vegetable and part Charlie water." Cabbage Patch Kids versus the Others should be an interesting fight, with their big you-know-whats and their flying whatchamacallits. Consider the cabbage theories which disprove the belief that all of the oreos' kids should listen to the funky tunes. Just then, Samus and Pikachu were shot dead, causing the Others to do the Hanso Happy Hoedown, shaking all their muddy big toes and jumping up and down across the scary jungle, stepping on sharp shards from broken Jesus Sticks which gave them splinters.

Jack started crying: "Boo hoo hoo! Why does Locke always hit my Polar Bear with his Latin dictionary and accuse Jack of selling drugs when he knows that DHARMA is really Latvian for a wine cellar on a campfire?" Seeing Jack's distress, Dharma killed him, because they felt jealous of his relationship with Kate, which he bragged about to the bearded bad guy who killed the monkey with bananas and ninja stars. After they had eaten the monkeys and gotten indigestion, Pikachu and Samus exploded and covered the trailer park with guts and pretty pink flowers. Meanwhile, Kate and Bernard start getting ready to go to the cave, where the Dharma dweller's poetry reading annoyed anyone who would watch Jay play his ukulele in his nightgown, which made them really creeped out. Everyone who watched Jay's crazy dance knew that whenever the Others saw Jack's creepy toenails they would hurl. That would bring Jack to his final resting place in the caves. Meanwhile, back at Jay's Ukulele-Playing Contest, HJ was pwned by a crazy rebel, who turned out to have a rabbit's head. This didn't surpise the president of Uzbekistan, because Uzbekistan bites

Nibbles the Jaguar went on a field trip to the Museum of Beard-Wielding Muskrats With the Intention of Goat-Roping. Then Nibbles went around the corner and smacked a package of fries, because his mom just loved potatos. Then Nibbles went to a Dungeons and Dragons to get his Mystical Unicorn Powers from the fairy named Mr. Friendly who had a three-toothed toad which would always pray with Eko before they went to pottery class. Then the rest sunbathed foolishly in their own imagination while eating fish on top of chocolate pudding pie. "Oh no, I've accidentaly played stickball before I took my epilepsy pills! What will I do?" screamed Frogurt. "Calm down, Frogurt, and eat some sweet and delicious Dharma Frog Legs," said Hurley, who had just devoured 18 Dharmalars and stubbed his toe on a piece of Sawyer's stash of little green men.

Afroman came with his Jesus Stick and his designer toothbrush so he could brush fungus off Servo's friend Igmar's back. Igmar felt good to be free of all doubt that the fungus is creeping up his left nostril and down his outer left knee, causing a paradox with the warlocks. Then Mickey Mouse found Minnie Mouse with Donald Duck and they fought over a stack of Dharma fish that were delicious. Then they got involved in a food fight with slime-covered celery and chewy goobers and moldy eels which tasted mighty like a disaster. Soon Mickey realized that Minnie was having another affair with Smokie the Evil Security System, so he decided to go into the Haunted Mansion that was located next to a big black boat. Dharma Hatch named the stick, that didn't want to take a bath, so he ran to the beach and jumped into a hole in this big ol' rock. Once he found an airplane that was broken in the forest, he proceeded to eat mushroom pie and belch obnoxiously, which caused irritation to his hands and brain. The irritation soon spread to his spleen and it started talking. It said, "Hello there everybody, I just wanted to swing by and kill you with a giant pile of fruit." The pile contained several poisonous frogs called Arnold Locke and a large blue pile of radioactive Handsome Jacks. The survivors rejoiced and danced the cha-cha-cha whilst singing, "We are DHARMA!" Then afterwards they grew very hoarse, so they drank lots and lots of mercury. The second they ingested all of it, they felt dillusional and started addressing the Department of Water Sports with a silver turtle shell. This was very strange and hilarious because everyone was lying in a vat of Dharma Peanut Butter.Someone yelled, "Throw Charlie Water in and let's have some fried frog for dinner!"

It began to rain hard on Hurley's bare naked body, so he grabbed a bundle of huge tarps to protect himself from the acid rain, but his cornflakes were getting soggy, so he vomited for several hours and then Jordache came and sang beautifully, "The British are starting to use dirt as a filler for their tasty tuna sandwiches!" Finally the rain began to talk: "I want my Miles Per Gallon! Hear me out! I want more miles per quart of milk and five elbows of cheesy toothpaste. I want four puddles of that yummy Dharma food and twenty-six bottles of kidney pudding imported from Krypton and licensed in America so that Dharma could use them. I also want to have oatmeal-flavored socks with my Dharmaflakes. Otherwise, Barney the night watchman will do the cha-cha-cha on your kitchen floor and fall on his cousin's uncle's chimpanzee's head and scream, "MY PET WORMS ARE IN A TUBE OF MONKEYS!" "Oh dear!" shouted Kate when she saw the unusual demands of the peanut butter sandwich named Bob the Builder, who had a stash of mushy mashed potato heads sitting on his left ear lobe. "You have some blue face paint on your toes, along with some jelly in your squirrel's food stash, so you better have your head shaved like a John Locke doppleganger, or else Jack will have a massive asthma attack and hit your giant polar bear with a rock! This shouldn't be a problem though, because Jack is slowly going crazy due to his post-nasal drip and lack of Jesus Stick videos. Zeke, on the other hand, doesn't need acne medication for his migraine headache because it's just too darn stupid I mean who would've thought bowling on Tuesdays could have theraputic benefits like that?

Meanwhile, back at the Coldplay concert, everyone turned into zombie nut cases because they were snorting DHARMA rissoto. "Hey, look at that weird break-dancing leprechaun whose father drank too much bug repellent spray which resulted in an early death!" Back on the subject of wrestling, faux Henry Gale was about to slap the face of the horrible giant polar bear, who quickly grabbed his Jesus Stick but fell into a lava vat, which caused his left wrist to bleed fruit punch and cat guts with a little hint of hot spicy peanut butter. Then Captain Planet jumped rope with your mom and your mom's cousin while loudly singing, "Listen To Your Own Kind Of Elevator Music While Dancing Like A Loose Cannon That Smells Like Hamburgers". "Didn't I tell your mom's face that you stink?" snapped Captain Planet's homemade meatloaf. Handsome Jack was on his third bottle of Charlie Water and single-malt whiskey when he tripped over Ana Lucia's loose cannons; he stubbed his toes and cried like a baybay: "Mooommiiiieee! My toes HURRRTT REEEAAALLLY BAAD!" "SHUT THA EF UP!" yelled a strange-looking anomaly, which was jumping on the button that caused a button to react like a button, which Paris Hilton and her new button button button buttoned!

And now on to something completely different. Now Paris Hilton went to the brain surgeon for a brain implant. "A BRAIN IMPLANT?!" shouted the media. All the papers and TV reporters danced about because Paris was actually exploding into Turkey, the country known for its HUGE king-sized beds and delicious salted Turkian Yak toes have really smelly toejam whenever Batman comes out.

One fine bucket of hydroclorlic acid arose from the pit of Galoughadolavanasomethanavich in Mt Dharmasbortherssistersfriendsunclesstepmother'sfatherinlaw'scousinsbraclet; that is why HJ is bald and why Locke is in a wheelchair called Bob. "BOB, QUIT SQUEAKIN' OR IMMA KICK YOUR WHEELS UNTIL THEY FALL OFF AND ROLL DOWN THE SLOPEY HILLS OF LOWER LATVIA!" Locke screamed. Bob then said while smiling, "Tag; you're it." "Wheee!" said Locke, who fell backwards into the hatch and then he got mad and yelled very loudly, "In front of poor dead Ana Lucia, saw it coming because she was at a party and she saw the Beach Boys singing "You All Everybody's Mom!" while becoming addicted to spiked Charlie water, which just happens to cause people to become very apathetic when they drink too much tequila/tonic shots resulting in the extinction of mammoths. These wooly creatures decided to conspire against Jesus Sticks a plan to rule the world, or maybe just Northern Usbekistan, but then the authorities responded quickly and the Northern Uzbekistanians leaped into action man's house of Anti-Mammoth guns, and said to them, "WHO BE THEE WHO WOULD DARE TO CROSS THIS HERE LINE WILL GIVETH ME THRICE THY LICE CONTAINING POLAR BEAR TOENAIL CLIPPERS AND HJ'S HAIR GEL.

Then 50 Cent teamed up with a dwarf and an elf, had a big ring to rule leprechauns in the depths of the super-secret headquarters, and destroyed the machine which destroyed the big hatch located in the Black Rock under Mr. Cluck's restaurant, and your mom, whose never heard of LOST, said a single thing: "You can't have a single thing if you don't have that swing set in your cough medicine!" So good is that which brings Bob back to the island liquor store. Bob's cellphone began to sing a slow showtune, and suddenly a flying seamonkey was playing poker in a tree, where Charlie was playing with Aaron and got a kick in the face from Locke, who was trying to build a Meet-Dwight-Shrute treehouse, so he died. "Oh, what a relief! Now, I don't want to start a big fight against the evil black smoke munster, but I say 'Save HJ's Karma' because he really deserves what's coming back around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and off the map. That's when Locke finally woke up and smacked himself and stopped snoring. He got up from his jacuzzi and tripped over his stupid crutch, breaking his nose. In doing so, he got blood all over his box of tasty cripple-healing magnets.

"Criminey," said Hurley as he rolled off into the cliff and fell on Libby's mom. "Hey!" said Libby's mom. Boy was she excited to be crushed by Hurley. She could barely keep from laughing. Once Hurley got Dharma Peanut Butter on his eyeballs and started throwing kidney cookies at 3-year-old Zeke lookalikes, which have beards that are able to deflect bullets made out of sheer silky lace. Frogurt hopped on one of the llamas, called Frenky. "FRENKY COME GET SOME ROTTEN APPLE CAKE!" (It's guaranteed to take you to somewhere you have always wanted to go.) So Frogurt, after getting there, threw mashed potatoes at David Blane, who in turn threw stupid PB&J at a hungry Frogurt man, who wasn't satisfied with the gravitational powers of Earth, and felt that an anti-gravity machine reverse the effects of juvenile felonies. That's not alltogether far-fetched, because Jack made worse chocolate chip cookies smothered in rich cow manure that came fresh from the brink of destruction in the land of leprechauns and cheesepuffs. Unfortunately, all the leprechauns dropped their popsicles and were sad. Those popsicles were made from dirt, bouncy balls, and helium-flavored oranges. The taste only was then enhanced in order to multiply the hideous taste of the squirrels.

Little do the chickens know, the plot of this crazy fairy tale is so nonexistent that only Jay knows everything about this backward crazy mystery. Lucky lunatics landed in Copenhagen, Denmark, and started to scare all the baby-eating men on the rebels. Then all of the Lost Podcast Team appeared out of the closet mirror, which happened to be a source of some weird cosmic psychic powers, which allowed LPT to mentally control all the people who have Walt. Either that, or ducks are flying in my mouth, trying to democratically persuade my teeth to fight placque instead of fighting incoherent tongue twisters such as the infamous "Peter Piper picked a peck of pidgeons while predigious penguins pecked precociously at Paul.

Once the monkeys got out of the tetherball court, they began jumping with Samus Aron to the Dharma theme song, "I Have No Hair So I Must Kneel Before Jay And Admit That I Am Jack's Fake JJ E-Mailer". "You are?" asked Jack, astonished, and then he threw his latest paycheck out the hatch and onto a patch of shiny radioactive glowing Dharma gold flakey stars dropped by Jay and his mom, who happens to be very attractive. That's why people think that Jack is an imposter when actually he isn't really bald, he just likes seeing his scalp reflect the sun. So he shaves with gin daggers while doing chin-ups in Dr. Candle's cool bachelor pad, with all the Dharma employees announcing their official retirement from their acting careers, which were mostly pointless anyway, and the paycheck was too covered in grease and sweaty splotches to see that it was cashed.

Meanwhile, back at the underground garage that holds a stealth food-drop plane Mr. Eko was sharpening his axe for the purpose of making it a jesus axe. The only thing it was good at was cutting Eko's toenails, which he ate with great relish and said, "Tastes like chicken beaks stewed with Malasian trifle, which actually tastes pretty good. That is, if one dumps gallons of Tabasco sauce and adds a hint of lemon. The resulting taste is so overwhelmingly delicious that one cannot help but scream, "WOW THIS IS BETTER THAN DANCING IN A FIELD MAN-EATING VELOCIRAPTORS DISGUISED AS GRASSHOPPERS!" "Eek!" said Jay in a girly voice, wearing a hot pink bikini with red polkadots

[Dez]

The one about Jay and Jack's origins

The one about Locke and his wheelchair

And this one cause it does a complete 180:
Third-to-last: it goes from LTP members mentally controlling the people who have Walt to "ducks flying in my mouth"

[大杂烩]

the "Jack is Jay's fairygodfather" one is pretty funny

[Tucker]

i like this one

It began to rain hard on Hurley's bare naked body, so he grabbed a bundle of huge tarps to protect himself from the acid rain, but his cornflakes were getting soggy, so he vomited for several hours and then Jordache came and sang beautifully, "The British are starting to use dirt as a filler for their tasty tuna sandwiches!" Finally the rain began to talk: "I want my Miles Per Gallon! Hear me out! I want more miles per quart of milk and five elbows of cheesy toothpaste. I want four puddles of that yummy Dharma food and twenty-six bottles of kidney pudding imported from Krypton and licensed in America so that Dharma could use them. I also want to have oatmeal-flavored socks with my Dharmaflakes. Otherwise, Barney the night watchman will do the cha-cha-cha on your kitchen floor and fall on his cousin's uncle's chimpanzee's head and scream, "MY PET WORMS ARE IN A TUBE OF MONKEYS!" "Oh dear!" shouted Kate when she saw the unusual demands of the peanut butter sandwich named Bob the Builder, who had a stash of mushy mashed potato heads sitting on his left ear lobe. "You have some blue face paint on your toes, along with some jelly in your squirrel's food stash, so you better have your head shaved like a John Locke doppleganger, or else Jack will have a massive asthma attack and hit your giant polar bear with a rock! This shouldn't be a problem though, because Jack is slowly going crazy due to his post-nasal drip and lack of Jesus Stick videos. Zeke, on the other hand, doesn't need acne medication for his migraine headache because it's just too darn stupid I mean who would've thought bowling on Tuesdays could have theraputic benefits like that?

[大杂烩]

we have a long Lost-less summer ahead of us. maybe jay could read the story for one minute. wherever he is at the end of one minute is where he starts on the next podcast

[Shinra]

I like the 1 about hurley under rain, the 1 tucker said

[Dez]

Oh man I forgot about that one!

[Shinra]

Yall know the story will shoot up really fast once he reads it. it'll grow like 4 pages an hour all the sudden ;-)

[Dez]

Its gonna be awesome brotha ;D

[dharmashark]

tucker34 said:

cmon jay, read it on the podcast, otherwise ill make one of these animations with you in it like i did with jack ;D

please do ;D

[Uncle Igmar]

This is my personal fave - I know it's from 2 paragraphs - but - hey - I am difficult at times LOL

In the Bronx, there's a saying: "Never shave your bananas on the bearded monkey's nest". The banana king explains as follows: "Always rub your melons in ranch pudding so that Hurley will join the Rebels and retrieve servo3k's bat". NOT HAPPENING KIDS! So says Igmar. Lies, Igmar, lies! Igmar is confused, so he shoots anaL. We cheered hooray for the gin-soaked theories of Uncle Igmar. Thank you all, here are some new theories about the origins of Jay and Jack.

Jack is Jay's fairy godfather who lost his Jesus Stick. Jack went to Hawaii to eat some refried beans and bake some delicious Karma cookies. Jay cried out loud about Jack's lack of hair follicles. Jack's bald head blinded Jay's eye because the light shined off his over-sized ego, leaving Jay to open a can with his nose. The camera shudder slipped open to eat Jay's face. Jay screamed like this, "ARGH! Look at that mutant baby-eating rebel with ominous pink light saber skills that would destroy every LPT member but saved by no one because "noperson" it's called to exterminate LPTs! Luckily Igmar carries isn't very dangerous but very powerful gin-soaked daggers that really sting when you shave, but who shaves when stranded on a pink bow?"

[Uncle Igmar]

Skip that one - I like this better - the last one made me seem to egotistical after I re-read it LOL

Once the monkeys got out of the tetherball court, they began jumping with Samus Aron to the Dharma theme song, "I Have No Hair So I Must Kneel Before Jay And Admit That I Am Jack's Fake JJ E-Mailer". "You are?" asked Jack, astonished, and then he threw his latest paycheck out the hatch and onto a patch of shiny radioactive glowing Dharma gold flakey stars dropped by Jay and his mom, who happens to be very attractive. That's why people think that Jack is an imposter when actually he isn't really bald, he just likes seeing his scalp reflect the sun. So he shaves with gin daggers while doing chin-ups in Dr. Candle's cool bachelor pad, with all the Dharma employees announcing their official retirement from their acting careers, which were mostly pointless anyway, and the paycheck was too covered in grease and sweaty splotches to see that it was cashed.